It’s the person we have both blessed and cursed. Our best friend who also sits ranked number one on the “Enemies Most Wanted” list. We protect them and we know how to get them where it hurts the most.
The dynamic between siblings is the strangest.
There is a special bond, the greatest love/hate relationship one can have. We can fully love our siblings and hate something they do. It’s not impossible, and it happens often. The tensions rise as we try to figure out who we are as individuals. They are the person easiest to compare ourselves, as they have grown up in a similar household, around similar people. We even look alike.
As they are showered with praise, it is hard to applaud them–especially if we haven’t received the same attention. It is built in us to want greatness! So we do what we can to reach the top of the totem pole at the cost of the feelings of our siblings.
We build ourselves up. We tease. We tattle. We fight.
Then the strangest thing happens when someone else threatens our siblings–we pull out our cape and go to great measures to protect them. Here is where we reach true greatness. We love, protect, and cover. We take the punches and hurt, and yet somehow we want them to understand what we’ve done for them. We expect them to be grateful, and when they seem to take advantage of us we hurt even greater.
The problem lies within our expectations. They will never be able to understand what we have done for them or the pain we feel for them.
We have a choice to make. Either to protect them conditionally or unconditionally. With the second option giving us the freedom to also love unconditionally.
Once we embrace they will never understand, the actions they make toward us are not as personal. Maybe if we would have let them feel the pain they would seem more loving. But our hearts would have hurt even greater as we watched them hurt–wishing we could take away the pain.
Greatness lies in each of us. It’s when we love unconditionally that we are not let down. They may never give us the praise we deserve, but they give us something else. They give us a chance to show how much we can love. How deep we can love. How quickly we can forgive.
They may be able to get on our nerve now and then, but they also hold a place in our heart that could never be filled by anyone else. So we will wait patiently while they take time to understand us, and if they never fully do, at least they will know we always loved them. Life is harder because of them, and we wouldn’t have it any other way. And who knows, maybe they feel the same way.
What are your siblings like? Have you found a way to love them unconditionally? Please share your stories! 🙂
Light The Lie 
My brother lives in another state, so we rarely see him. My sister works for me, so I see her almost every day.
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That’s awesome you can work with your sister! What was it like when you guys were teenagers? Did you get along?
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Pre-teen years we didn’t get along very well at all. We were all pretty independent — both parents worked, school had split sessions, I rode motorcycles starting at 9 (I’m the youngest), sister and brother had cars, so during our teen years we didn’t really see that much of each other.
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Wow 9! That is awesome-and scary (speaking as a parent) ha! Did you and your siblings take on “roles” like the protector, the fixer, the goodie goodie, the rebel, or anything else? I find the dynamic of family life so interesting. I was the oldest, so I would love to hear your perspective as the youngest.
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Another great post! Sibling rivalry is something I am very familiar with being a twin and being raised with a constant and immediate comparison. Throw in five brothers into that mix, there were plenty of fights, holes in the walls and punches thrown. We haven’t always gotten along nor seen eye to eye, yet when any of them are in trouble or in need we are there as an unbreakable team that can be daunting yet powerful. The greatest advantage to being a twin, is as an adult, he is, next to my wife, my closest friend and confidant. The one I always seek advice. This post hits home. Siblings can be difficult at times, but when you cross one, you cross all of us. When one hurts, we all hurt.
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Thank you for sharing your story! I can only imagine the comparison as a twin. And wowee! That’s a lot of boys for one household. So special you were able to have that many people on “your team” though! I bet nobody messed with your family! Do any of your siblings have “touchy” subjects that make it difficult in the relationships? Or have there been times that you made it through a misunderstanding and saw healing in the relationship?
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There are always hurt feelings with any family relationship. Managing that process is easier with brothers I think because we call them on their “crap” a lot faster, however the stubborn nature of boys makes it sometimes difficult to forgive and move on. With a family as large as ours has become, time is typically the best medicine for these moments and sometimes one of us has to accept that the other will never see things as we do. When help is needed or someone in need, differences are always set aside for the greater good.
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You did a great job putting that into words. Time is a great medicine, just too bad that we have to use it. It also amazes me how a tragedy pulls a family close. It’s also interesting what you said about the relationship between boys. I wish I could go back and relive the teen years seeing now they way love works. Thankfully I learned it when I did-and every day still learning. I majored in communication so this all is very interesting to me. Communication and the lack there of in relationships. Assumptions and misunderstandings.
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Thank you
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I don’t have any siblings, but I wish I did. You have a beautiful family.
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Thank you so much! And sometimes a friend can be as close as a sibling! 🙂 wishing many of those on you!!
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Awe, thank you so much < 3 I have a good few that I hold dear to me.
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So happy to hear that. Friends are a great treasure 🙂
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I’m the oldest too. My sister is 2 years younger. Since the day she didn’t depend on our mom anymore, we started fighting. That fight lasted 23 years until I moved abroad. But we were ALWAYS together. We shared friends and went on holidays together. A good example of love/hate. My brother is more than 7 years younger and I probably had 2 fights with him in his entire life 🙂
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We have the same family! My sister is 2 years younger and my brother is 6 years younger. Thank you for sharing your story! 23 years is a long time to go through.. But a beautiful example that healing can happen no matter how long it takes! It can give hope to others going through a “drought” in peace with a sibling. I also get along extremely well with my -not so little anymore- brother. Maybe it’s just us close in age siblings that end up having a harder time seeing eye to eye.
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I really like this. I have three younger brothers, and I love them dearly. I’m probably closest to the one who’s 18 months younger than me. I see so many people who hate their siblings, especially during their teenage years, and I am so thankful that we aren’t like that. We do fight, but we often get over it in a matter of minutes. Hours, at the most. We can relate to each other, we keep each other entertained, we can tell each other things we wouldn’t tell our friends or parents, and since we’re opposite genders we often give each other advice about girls/guys. I know I’ll always have him as a friend when there’s no one else to speak to.
Lovely photos, by the way!
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That is so special you have a brother you are very close with! Like you said.. To go to for advice. A true treasure you all get along. It will be a huge blessing later in life too as you all go your own ways. Your brothers are very lucky to have you as their sister! I can tell from your writing that you are able to tap into emotions well. Brothers can have a hard time sharing deep feelings.. But I bet you have no trouble getting them to spill 🙂
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No you’re so right, sometimes I have to pull tiny bits of information from him a day at a time or just wait for him to talk to me haha.
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Siblings are great. Football all the time. That was the case, I guess.
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Sounds about right 🙂 Siblings are great. I’m glad to hear you were blessed with some!
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So true…..we curse them and we bless them. Thankfully, I share a very healthy and heartfelt bond with my two lovely sisters. I feel fortunate to have them in my life as they are both lovely listeners and unbiased advisers. Ohhhhhhhh I am completely pulled deep into my childhood memories now. Thank you Emily…………this post has served as a reminder to call up my sisters. Love to you.
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I’m so glad to hear you have a great relationship with your siblings! That is very rare. A treasure for sure. I love thinking about childhood memories so I will travel to that place with you 🙂 Time to pull out the home videos and popcorn! Love you too Reva! I hope you and your sisters are doing well and only continue to grow stronger in your relationships 🙂
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Yes, a beautiful treasure. Come along dear……………lets go to that lil island of memories, together. It would be a double joy. Thanks Emily,,,,,,,,,,,we all three are doing good by His grace.
May you have beautiful and enriching relationships all your life. Prayers Assured! 🙂
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Loved this Em. So true.
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❤ thank you miss Nat 🙂
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