A (not so) Love Story.

First to set the scene, I was a freshman in High School and just landed a spot on the Varsity girls soccer team. Growing up my dad always pushed me to practice practice practice, and if I would have ended up anything less than varsity, it would have only been a major letdown and disappointment.

There was a senior boy, who seemed like a man. He played football and basketball and was stunning to say the least. He was the kind of boy you would walk the long way to class for, just to possibly get a glimpse of. You know the kind? I ooh’d and aww’d over him all year and it was the best feeling in the world when a teammate of mine introduced us. I was on cloud nine. He signed my yearbook and then went off to college to never be seen again. 

Oh how I wish the story ended there.

I ran into him the following Christmas break at Fred Meyer and he said we should hang out while he was home. “Um yes please!” I thought. But cooly said “Sure,” and gave him my phone number. He asked me to a movie and I thought my parents would absolutely be excited for me. 

Well, they weren’t. They knew how madly in love I had been with him the previous year. Why wouldn’t they let him take me to a movie? They said he was too old. But I didn’t understand. That night I made one of the worst mistakes of my life. 

I snuck out for the first time. 

He came and picked me up night after night. Each night he was more charming than the last. Until the day arrived that he would be heading back to school. His school was about and hour and a half away, which was exactly not far enough away to stop us from seeing each other. 

A couple of months passed and he asked me to be his official girlfriend. My dream come true. I was so blinded with the idea of this superstar, that I couldn’t see him for who he actually was. 

He was broken. 

He ended up flunking out of college and moving back into town to work at a gas station. That summer we saw each other almost every day and began to fight, a lot. My first drink of alcohol was at a party he threw, and I was the only one there still in high school (sophomore). He hit me and I didn’t know what to do. I ran away only to have to come back since there was no where else to go.

As the months passed, he told me I was crazy. He told me I was many awful things. He deleted every number from my phone he didn’t know. He called me on every break at school to make sure I wouldn’t talk to anyone in the halls. He told me I was a bad girlfriend if I didn’t. I believed him.

The day came when I tried to leave him. He knocked me out cold. I woke up on the floor and saw his face in fear. I cried as I ran out of that old apartment and finally called a friend to help me. He chased me and said things like “I love you,” as I ran as fast as I could. He told me I wasn’t being fair and I needed to give him another chance. 

My parents finally found out about our romance, months too late. After much fighting with them about it, they agreed to letting us date since we were going to do it anyway. 

Bruises showed up all over my body. For each one, he helped me make up an excuse.

But thankfully my story doesn’t end here.

My dreams far surpassed this boy. He was not what was going to make me happy. Having the senior football star was not worth loosing all I had worked for. I realized the lie he had been telling me wasn’t true. I wasn’t crazy and this relationship wasn’t by any means normal or healthy.

I knew the only way out was if I had help. I told my mom <almost> everything and she helped me put an end to the disaster for good.

Can I just tell you that was the most freeing moment of my entire life. The chains were set free. 

The main thing that stopped me from breaking up with him sooner was a lie I believed whole-heartedly. “He will never make it without me.” I thought I was the only one who knew him enough to “fix” him. 

Unsurprisingly, he was able to move on. If anything, I was only standing in the way from him finding the help he really needed. 

I can forgive him for the way he treated me because I know we are all messed up and broken. I know that he has been hurt too. Forgiving someone does not mean you are saying what they did was okay. Forgiving them is a crucial step to truly freeing yourself from the pain they have caused you. 

Fast-forward a couple of years and I met a man who truly cherished my heart. He saw where my heart had been hurt and he was willing to love me anyway. He showed me what it meant to truly love someone. Everyday he puts me before himself. Never has he tried to cover his faults or try to convince me I’m crazy or worse. He has shown me that love covers all wrongs. Love does not hurt you. Love can admit its faults. Love knows when to say I’m sorry. Love doesn’t hit you. Love doesn’t manipulate you, and love certainly doesn’t rip you to pieces. 

I was such a strong girl and never thought I would fall victim to abuse. Yet, I did. So if you are in an abusive relationship, don’t believe the lie that you somehow deserve it. Whatever kind of abuse it is, YOU DO NOT DESERVE IT. Period. There are much better things out there for you than being beaten and broken.

My friends, I am in love and it is so beautiful. 

Wishing you all the best on your journey. ❤ 

 

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12 Responses to A (not so) Love Story.

  1. deepbluesandseafoamgreens says:

    This story was so moving 🙂 you’re such a lovely, lovely person. It’s a shame that you went through this – I especially felt sad when you described how he treated you – but you’re so strong! 🙂 You deserve someone truly special, and it makes me really happy knowing that you have that someone.

    Like

    • lightthelie says:

      Thank you for your kind words! You too deserve someone truly special, who treats you like a princess- as cliche as that sounds 🙂 It was months after the break up before I was able to tell my close friends what I went through. They really had no idea. Now I see how important it is to share with others the parts of life that aren’t so perfect. It would have saved me a lot of pain!

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      • deepbluesandseafoamgreens says:

        Aw, thank you! I must say, I do occasionally dream of being someone’s princess. 🙂 It’s genuinely inspiring to hear how opening up was beneficial for you. Talking helps! 🙂

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      • lightthelie says:

        So good to dream, you have a beautiful heart! Never settle for anything less. I am truly honored that I was able to inspire you. 🙂 thank you again for your encouraging words.

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  2. What a courageous story to tell. I’m glad you found a good man who brought healing to your life and that you stopped believing the lie that only you could fix him.

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  3. Lori says:

    Beautiful post…thanks for your realness and bravery to share this in the hopes that it will bless others who have walked in these same shoes!

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    • lightthelie says:

      Lori, thank you so much for you sweet words! I couldn’t express how honored I would be to reach someone going through a similar scenario. Life is so much better when we do it together 🙂

      Like

  4. jisbell22 says:

    I am so happy that you were able to see the signs and get out. My wife is the director of a local domestic violence shelter, so many wait too long to leave these relationships and end up fleeing often times for their and their children’s lives. Sadly everyday individuals are seeking shelter from an abusive partner, oftentimes these are actually the lucky ones who are able to get out alive. Thank you so much for sharing your story and shedding light on this for so many. I suffered physical violence at the hands of my ex wife for years and sadly enough, as a man I was never taken seriously. After nearly a decade being away from this abuse I am now talking with others about this plague. I know how hard it can be to share these stories. I have tremendous admiration for your strength and courage.

    Like

    • lightthelie says:

      Thank you so much for your comment. I have thought many times about taking this post down, as my posts have turned a little bit of a different direction. That is amazing of your wife to be doing the work she is! I can only imagine the emotional stress hearing each individual’s story. You both can lean onto God and support one another and that is beautiful! Abuse really can happen to anyone. It’s when we believe it only applies to a certain category of individuals that we have failed. So good to talk to others because what a manipulative person does a good job of is making you think something is normal when it really isn’t. An outsider can have a much better chance at talking a person back into reality! Here’s to making a difference in this broken and beautiful world 🙂

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      • jisbell22 says:

        I am really glad that you didn’t take this post down. I think it is an great example of this unfortunate situation and your path provides hope to so many who may be caught in the same situation yet does not have the inner strength to find their way out alone. Anyone can end up a victim and sharing your example provides a much needed light on the issue. Small steps can great great momentum and indeed change the world. We must speak out about not only the bad things in life, we must also spread the positive as well.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: My girls, your value stems from Him, not him.

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